Monday, March 31, 2014

Retail Overload

Just worked four nine-hour shifts in a row as a night cashier.  I usually work part-time and my shifts are more spread out so I'm not used to being in the store for so many days in a row.  Here's how that went…

Day 1: Exhausted, just happy if I can survive the shift without falling over.  I vigilantly count the hours until I get to go home and vow to go to bed as soon as I go home.  My tiredness gives me a drug-like numbness that helps me tolerate massive amounts of douchebaggery.

Day 2: Got 7 hours of sleep, which is an improvement.  I feel more well-rested.  The store is very busy, but I work hard and I am more friendly with customers and coworkers.

Day 3: My vow to get better sleep has been ignored again and I get 5 hours of sleep.  However, for some reason I am happy, contemplative and energetic.  The customers are a mix of entitled, ignorant people and attractive men; sometimes a combination.  I treat all of them way better than they deserve.  An indian woman asks me if I hate her, possibly because I didn't help her immediately and because she was being a pain in the ass.  I say "no," but my acting needs work.

Day 4: Everyone is an asshole and if I don't get out of here soon I will kill someone!  A woman asks if she can have a 5 cent plastic bag for free and I say, "I guess."  When she says goodbye I say nothing and give her a look of contempt.  A European woman tells me that cashiers are given chairs to sit on in Europe so their backs don't hurt.  "I bet you didn't know that!" she says, as if she is talking to a child.  She makes no visible effort to change the rules in our store or any Canadian store.  When customers ask for help using the self-checkouts, I try my best not to throw their items onto the carousel as hard as I can.  When I'm finally free, I do not feel joy, but confusion and a profound feeling of disappointment and regret.

At least I'm off for a few days… :)

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

St. Patrick's Day Cupcakes (Belated)

This is not a stoner food review, but I did a lot of baking today, so I've decided to blog about it because I worked hard, dammit!  Also because I had 66 posts and the numbers 6 and 66 make me uneasy, so I had to make a 67th post.  Not that I won't post more, because I will.  "And she never posted again…"

If you are wondering why I am posting this the day after St. Patrick's Day, it's because I slept through most of the day because I work nights and missed the date by a couple hours.  But, I had selected the recipes and bought the ingredients already, so I decided "fuck it!" and made the cupcakes anyway.  I have decided that St. Patty's is today and no one can convince me otherwise.  I even listened to the Cranberries and U2 and I am currently sipping a Guinness, so there!




Bailey's Irish Cupcakes:
http://allrecipes.com/recipe/baileys-irish-cupcakes/

I found the recipe for these at allrecipes.com and followed the recipe to the letter, except for the fact that I omitted the almond extract, because my experience is that almond extract overpowers the other flavours.  The cook suggested whipped cream or Buttercream frosting but I thought, since they are Baileys cupcakes, I'll top them with Baileys icing.  I found the recipe for the Baileys icing in the Southern Food section of about.com:

http://southernfood.about.com/od/cupcakerecipes/r/chocolate-stout-cupcakes.htm

I'm not sure what is Southern about a recipe that is so clearly Irish.  You'd think it would be nothing but Twinkie cupcakes and Fried Green Tomatoes there.  I guess it's because a lot of Americans have Irish ancestry or something like that.



Taste: They are pretty yummy, but without the icing I can barely taste the Baileys.  The icing is delicious and tastes exactly like Baileys, only in icing form.  They have kind of a weird taste, but they still taste good.  Maybe it's just a unique taste.  The texture is a bit firm and flat for a cupcake, but still moist and cakey enough that I have no complaints.

Chocolate Stout Cupcakes:

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/dave-lieberman/chocolate-stout-cupcakes-recipe.html

This one is from Food Network and it was created by Dave Lieberman.  The recipe called for cream cheese icing but, since I wanted to share with my brothers (who don't like cream cheese), I decided to use Baileys icing again, which makes for less work.  In the end, I had just enough icing to ice both sets of cupcakes, so that worked out nicely.

I think the Baileys icing works better than the cream cheese icing would have because in the cook's pre-recipe blurb, he wrote that he wanted the icing to look like the foam that lines the top of a mug of Guinness, but, as you can see in my picture, Guinness foam is not white, but a very light brown, so a Baileys icing works much better for imitating the look of a mug of Guinness.



How does it taste, you ask?  I'll tell you!  The icing is buttery and has that strong taste of Baileys, but mixed with the cake, I can taste a hint of banana.  The cake itself, without icing, tastes chocolatey and rich.  You can also faintly taste the yeast and hops of the Guinness.  The texture is moist and spongey, utterly perfect.

I must say, it feels very weird to write this sober (or mildly sober, considering the fact that I just drank a can of Guinness).  There is more clarity, but also more insecurity.

Happy St. Patty's day, everyone, and even if in your mind you think St. Patrick's day was yesterday (which is ridiculous), you shouldn't feel a lick of shame when you hoist a few (or a lot) tonight in celebration of the absurd thing that is life!  I sure won't!






Monday, March 10, 2014

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 31

Listening to: Bob Marley.  Doy.  Also, Kings of Leon and Indie88 (radio station).

Hi everyone.  So, this is the last day.  As I said earlier, I'm going to do a reflection today.  The final dinner at the stoner table is... *drumroll please* ... doughnuts and a Corona! *licks lips and looks lovingly at luscious donuts*

Selection Assorted Mini Donuts (there are three types):

Frosted: Amaazing.  So so sweet and cakey.  I think I'm going to be eating these with a fork because they are messy!  There is almost something lemony in the aftertaste.  It's so sugary, and yet it still isn't too sugary.  The only thing I can think of to say is it's wonderful.  And it's cool as the other side of a pillow.  Oh God is this going to be one of those days where I get even more than what was on my plate afterwards because even though it would be really filling sober, you could eat so much of that thing anyway?


Chocolate:  I keep wanting to eat the cinnamon next because it looks amazing!  Ok, self control...  Save the best for last...  Kind of cakey, actually.  No, the chocolate overpowers that flavour.  These aren't any better high.  I guess they'll always be my least favourite flavour; the chocolate ones.  I bet they would be better if they could use a chocolate powder, instead of a chocolate liquid coating.  All the same, there is something about them that radiates because of my mental state.


Cinnamon: Oh, so excited.  Flavour just gushes into my mouth.  The cinnamon is stronger than I expected, but not too strong.  It has a lot of the beautiful sweetness of the frosted ones.  I can feel my teeth rotting...  The cinnamon, the cake, the sugar... they blend so perfectly.  My sensitive teeth are getting uncomfortable, but I really want one or two more.  Oh my God it's so good.  These are perfect donuts; not too big, not too weird of a taste to them.  They should call them Two-Bite Donuts, because you can eat them in a couple bites.  I want another, but then again I also don't want a heart attack... and heart attack wins out in that scenario.  Sorry, tongue.  Better luck next time I'm eating some carbohydrates!  Those donuts were great.  My stomach echoes me with a satisfying burp.



Corona: Bitter, cool, tastes a bit sweet because I just ate the donuts.  My tongue is tickled by the fizz.  I can also taste the delicious yeast, but it's more subtle.  The hops are strong in this one.  Not too strong.  As beer goes, I like it.  It's making me sway side to side in bliss.  I can taste a hint of apples.  I think this would be a great summer drink, or maybe an autumn drink.  Not the greatest in the winter.  A good whiskey or Bailey's is good, but not cold beer...  Not much to say.  It's beer, it's cool, it gets the job done and makes you so relaxed...

Reflection

What did I learn from this little experiment/series?  Was it fun?  Was it challenging?  

I learned a lot from this.  Well, not a huge, profound realization or something like that, but a few little things.  

1. I am not an experienced food reviewer by any means.  I review lots of movies, books, concerts, movies in my free time, but not food so much.  I don't know if I learned any new terminology or methods but I definitely got some experience reviewing food and learned how to describe food with words other than "great" or "awesome," but it was challenging to think of things to say about the food at times.

2. I got to see old foods in a new light.  Whether it was something that I liked tasting better, something I loved tasting worse, something I always thought was "meh" tasting like a dream come true, I think the high changes the flavour of foods sometimes, for better or for worse (usually better).  I also think spiciness is amplified when you are high.

3. I learned to appreciate food more.  Much of the food I ate for this challenge I ate without TV, a book, someone to talk to, etc.  I was usually just listening to music or it was just me, the food and the keyboard.  It was weird because most of the food that I eat, I will eat it while distracting or entertaining myself in some way.  For this challenge my food had my full attention and it was different, but good.  I was focusing on the flavours and appreciating the meal on it's own.  I think I might try that sober more often.  Eating food and just thinking about the flavour, needing no other entertainment.  Thinking about how lucky I am to have this three times a day or more.  And good quality most of the time.  Then again, I still prefer watching something or reading something while eating.  It's just so much more entertaining, however good the food is.  So maybe I'll just appreciate the food on it's own when I'm high and everything is entertaining.  

4. I learned to do something consistently.  Put out something every day, flexing my writing muscles daily.  That was really good.  It was nice seeing the posts stack up day after day, when usually they'd crawl for months.  Most bloggers post a lot more often than I do, so it was good to try to blog more regularly.  

5. I tried some new foods!

6.  I worked on my photography.  I 'm not a very experienced photographer, but I think this increased my experience.  I found myself playing with light, angles, presentation, background, etc over the course of the month as my photographer dad gave me advice on my photos occasionally.

7. I learned that, for the most part, flavour-wise, weed just makes food taste better.  Or it helps you notice the flavour of food that was already really good.  Thinking about my past responses, most of my reviews involved the phrase "Mmmm..." and the overwhelming majority of the reviews were positive.  However, I usually went for foods that I like or foods I thought I would like.  I think it would be interesting for me to do another series with foods that I both like and dislike and see how weed changes the way I perceive them.  Perhaps another time.  

Despite all the benefits, there is also the fact that most of what I ate was unhealthy and on many cases I ate too much of it in one sitting, due to my low self-control when I have the munchies.  I have been noticing more heartburn this week and I gained about ten pounds during this experiment.  Yeah, yikes.  Tomorrow I'm going to start working hard to go to sleep right after getting high, because, otherwise, TEMPTATION.  Even right now, one of the Cinnamon Donuts is calling to me.  Stop it, you fiend!  So, I'm looking forward to not being so unhealthy, and getting to bed earlier.

Was it fun?  Yes, definitely.  Was it challenging?  Occasionally, when cooking food or taking photos high.  I usually tried to cook them sober, but when they were done high, sometimes I would screw up the timing with my low self-control, like eating some of a dish before I could photograph it.  

Well, thanks for reading and that is the end of the Stoner Food Reviews.  Perhaps I will do another that is only local restaurants that I walk to or one where I cook through a classic cookbook and sample each recipe high.  I'm not sure, but for now, goodbye!

Sunday, March 9, 2014

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 30

Listening to: Indie Rock Station

Well good morning to everyone.  I decided to do some restaurant food today.  I went to Bombay Grill and bought takeout!  It's from a local indian take-out place called Silver Spoon.  The smell is intoxicating.


Chana Masala with Biryani Rice (I've already reviewed the rice in a previous entry): It's very hot... and spicy.  But good.  Mmm... buttery.  I don't remember it being this spicy.  The flavour is lovely.  The chick peas taste nice and meaty.  Sometimes the spice overpowers the flavours, but sometimes the spice is milder and the flavours stand out more.  It's so juicy.  I love the texture of the rice and the chewy chick peas.  Good thing I have a big glass of water.  I wish this was milder.  I don't know if I can finish this.  I'm getting full.  It's really good though.  I guess I'll move onto the chocolate and come back to it later...


Cadbury Dairy Milk (Chips Ahoy! Cookie Dough flavour): This was amazing sober, so I think I'm in for a treat.  There are cute little pockets of cookie dough in here.  The dough tastes like the cookie, but a bit better, flavour-wise.  This is really good.  I'm taking big bites now.  The chocolate just wraps around the cookie dough perfectly.  If I could improve this chocolate bar, I would more cookie dough to the recipe.  It's a bit too subtle.

That was a great dinner.  Very nice.  Have a lovely morning, everyone, especially the night hawks going to bed right now!

Saturday, March 8, 2014

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 29

Listening to: Indie Rock Station

Hello peeps.  I am so hungry and so high.  The deadly combo.  Today, the dishes are... cereal and chocolate!



 Alpha Bits: Sweet, crunchy and the milk complements it and moistens it so well.  It's kind of like eating bones, but they are fluffier, sweeter, more Disneyfied.  This is poetry in a bowl.  So simple but so great.  I think I might have seconds.  My head is exploding with happiness, stretching.  The milk at the bottom is sweet and delicious, I notice as I suck it back.  That was nice.


Cadbury Dairy Milk (Caramel Popcorn flavour): Mmmm....  That's good.  The popcorn flavour really pops and the chocolate is so smooth and sweet.  I love the contrast in texture between the chocolate and popcorn.  The popcorn also adds a saltiness and a butteriness.



That was a wonderful snack.  It definitely satisfied my sweet tooth.  I think I will have a second bowl of those Alpha Bits.  Goodnight stoners (and people marked under the category "other")!

Next time: We stop doing the "next time"s.  They are lame and also kind of plagiarism.

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 28

Listening to: Indie Rock Station and Hard Rock/Classic Rock Station

Hi gals and guys!  I'm back... from my sobriety!  It was so warm today!  I hope spring is coming!  There's still snow, but I have hope.  At least some warmer days?




Homemade Classic White Bread (from a Betty Crocker cookbook): Yummy and yeasty, very chewy, the crust has a nice crunchiness, also a little bit sweet; just enough.  Not too much.  The golden crust has a sharp, strong flavour.  Mmmm... this is damn good.  :D  This bread is the perfect texture; chewy, malleable...  I could eat so much of this bread.  I think I'll have some more...  Man, my reviews are ALWAYS so glowing.  This is nothing like store bread.  You couldn't buy this in a store.  It's very hard to stop eating these, but I must stop eating them now.



Chocolate Chip Cookie from Country Style (won it from a coffee cup there): Wow, the chocolate is so strong.  Can't tell whether it's homemade or one of those freeze-dried things.  Getting full now.  Mmmm...  The non-chocolate flavour is tasty too!  I highly recommend trying this high.  Man, when I ate these sober a while ago they were unremarkable, but they are amazing high.  My tongue wants more delicious flavours, but my stomach wants me to stop.  I'll go with my stomach... but not my liver.  ;)


Monday, March 3, 2014

Sorry again!




Out of product again due to poor planning!  I will hopefully post tomorrow but if not, I will definitely return in the next few days.

Stay smoky, my friends, and remember to take 'er easy.

Sunday, March 2, 2014

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 27

Listening to: Playlist; The Whites Stripes, Blind Guardian, Sweeney Todd soundtrack, Muse, Indie Rock Station

Heylo.  Felt kind of lonely and sad after work today, but now I feel a lot better and, knowing that food and booze (and Breaking Bad) is coming, ecstatic!  So, that's sorted.  I know how to spoil myself.  :P

My Grandma's hot chocolate mix (Probably the best stocking stuffer I have ever received.  Actually second place, after the amazing beer bread mix she gave us...): The cocoa powder is a bit overpowering.  The whipped cream adds sweetness and foaminess.  The marshmallows in it are a bit annoying.  I wonder if Grandma (who is a bit anti-vegetarian) purposefully put it in the mix, knowing that I am vegetarian and it contains gelatin.  I've decided to drink the mix anyway because I need to use it up and gelatin isn't as bad as meat because it is more of byproduct than the actual product and it's harder to abstain from because it's in literally all candy.  The flavour is richer and sweeter at the bottom, where all the marshmallows have crowded together.  I think the marshmallows dominate the flavour too much.  The marshmallows at the bottom actually taste pretty good, but I won't eat the dregs with a spoon.  That's enough senseless pig's skin and bones-eating for today, thanks.  I hope I don't sound too condescending towards meat-eaters.  I don't mean to come across that way, but it's harder to tell what my writing tone is when I'm high.  I respect everyone's diet, even if I disagree with it.



Crispy Minis (Buttered Popcorn flavour): Mmmmm....  I love the flavour and texture of this.  Certain rice cakes have more flavour than others and when you eat those you can really taste the butter flavour.  They occasionally have a tang of sweetness to them.  They're so good I'm eating the little chunks at the bottom of the bowl, and very messily, I might add.


Grand Marnier: Highly complex and interesting flavour.  It's sweet and sends warmth up my nose.  It tastes like candy, cherries, syrup and alcohol.  Unlike rum or vodka or tequila, it's sweetness overpowers the bitterness of alcohol so it tastes delicious and it still has the same alcoholic content as more bitter hard liquors.  Perfect.  Very tasty.



Goodnight, people!  Tomorrow, I'm sure I will have another equally delicious set of dishes to consume for your vicarious pleasure.

Next time: we eat all the parents who have sex loud enough for the kids to hear it.  *shudders*

Saturday, March 1, 2014

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 26

Listening to: Playlist; Stevie Wonder, Rush, Bob Marley, The Postal Service

Hello stoners, investigators and readers of the world!  Today, I bring you some of the most delectable foods I've been able to get my hands on and sample in my years on this earth.  


Kraft Dinner Original: Still a bit lukewarm because it's microwaved, not fresh.  The flavours turns off and on; flavourless and then filled with flavour.  Not quite as good microwaved and high as fresh and sober.  I guess microwaving just saps some of the flavour out of it.  It tastes the way Kraft Dinner usually tastes to me sober; cheesy, buttery, rich, deliciously junky-tasty, but a less defined version of those tastes.



Ritter Sport Praline: Lovely.  So smooth and milky.  The hazelnut flavour is sweet and strong.  This is definitely the best flavour of Ritter Sport.  This is filling even when I'm high.  Not much to say about this because I have no complaints.


Next time! We ayte aypples and banaynays.

Friday, February 28, 2014

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 25

Listening to: Kings of Leon

Hello there, folks.  I've decided that on the 31st day (marking a month) of my stoner food review month, I'll do a little reflection on how I felt about this challenge and what I learned and discovered.  Today, I have a massive thing to eat.  See for yourselves...  All I can say is that this tastes amazing.  The naan tastes nice and baked and the curry is spicy, earthy, meaty.


Gits Ready Meals Chana Masala (Indian curry) with naan bread: Very yummy.  Slight aftertaste of celery.  It's like dipping bread in a delicious bean soup.  Mmm... the chickpeas really boost the flavour.  I cooked the naan a lot longer than I usually do, and it's almost as crunchy as a cracker now.  Still great-tasting.  Can't stop eating to write something!  All I can say is that this tastes amazing.  The naan tastes nice and baked while the curry tastes earthy, spicy, meaty, maybe a bit nutty as well.  It definitely isn't too spicy for me.  That was awesome.  Weirdly enough I'm still hungry.  Guess I'll have something else.


Crispy Minis (Caramel Kettle Corn flavour): Yay dessert!  These are basically little rice cakes with really tasty flavours.  Very sweet and caramelly!  Interesting texture, kind of bumpy and crisp.  These are so good.  They do also have that sweet and salty kettle corn taste, but it's subtle.  Nom nom nom.  I could eat another bowl if I wanted to but I think that's enough for today.

Next time!  Phish and Meat Loaf.

Thursday, February 27, 2014

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 24

Listening to: Silversun Pickups

Hello again.  I only had two hours sleep and I've been up for 13 hours, so I barely made it to my post here today, in my zombie-like state.  I'm here now, though, with an enchanting assortment of treats to enjoy.  Okay, just two things, but oh well.  What's weird today is that I've been feeling crappy all day due to fatigue and a hangover, but right now I feel awesome.  Just relaxed, but not weighed down with tiredness.  Maybe getting stoned actually helps you stay up later because you can focus better and feel more mellow, yet energized.

Barbecue Chips: Smokey.  Sweet, yet savoury.  Also, kind of salty and spicy.  Sucking on them is fun, because you can leach out the flavour of the chip.  Lays are also like that.  Well, pretty much any greasy type of chip.  These are really tasty and addictive.


Irresistibles Pecan Clusters: Just looking at them I'm excited.  Pecans perfectly encased in well-crafted chocolate on a pure white china plate.  They kind of look like big brown buttons.  Mmm... I taste caramel.  They're very chewy, verging on the texture of taffy.  Nutty and chocolatey; this tastes fantastic.  They taste a little bit like toffee as well.  Those were good.  


Next time we eat the meaning of life so no one will ever find out.

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 23

Listening to: Indie Rock Station (Not The Edge, starting to really hate that station)

Hello there.  Did you know I've gained eight pounds since I began this project?  Yup.  Crazy.  It could have have something to do with indulging Munchies me each night, maybe.  Today it was slim pickings for food because dad hadn't bought groceries in a while, and neither have I, so there we go...  I managed to scrounge up something tasty, though...


President's Choice The Decadent Chocolate Chip Cookie Flavour Hot Chocolate: Mmm... Tastes like cookies and chocolate.  Kind of lukewarm.  Tastier than I remember.  I can taste the hot milk as well.  Honestly, I want to get this over with because I am looking forward to the next thing!  Very chocolatey and rich at the bottom, with punches of pure sugar.


The best porridge I have ever made (I've gone bonkers today) with oatmeal, cinnamon sugar, milk, maple syrup and honey): Mmm... flavourful.  Tastes a bit like cinnamon pastry mixed with macaroons.  The cinnamon flavour is strong but not overpowering.  This is very good, considering the fact that it was a second or last resort.  It's so wholesome and old-timey-tasting, and yet, there's sooooo much sugar...  I love that.  


Wow, Breaking Bad is amazing high.  I was watching a scene in season one, episode two and I kept saying "oh shit!" over and over, in surprise.  

Next time!  We eat balut.

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 22

Listening to: Muse, MGMT

Okay, let's take some pictures, shall we?

Today I'm watching Mad Men because I can't think of anything else to watch on Netflix.  This is my first time watching it so I don't know if I'll like it.  If I don't, I'll watch Breaking Bad.  

Time to eat... *rubs hands expectantly*  My snack is quite junky and sugary today.

Crispy Crunch: Mmmmmm... chocolately and sweet, with a centre that tastes like Peanut Brittle.  Oh wow, this is good.  It's an explosion of confectionary flavour.  Oh dear, if you have peanut allergies you can't eat this probably.  What a sad thought.  Must have more candy!  I am salivating.  I could eat so many of these...  Mmmmm...  Unfortunately I only have one bar.  But, the next food might be a consolation as it is also sweet and delicious...


Skittles (Darkside): Mmmmm.... Lime.  Reminds me of a Slushie.  I haven't had Skittles in a while.  They're so flavourful, even if the flavour is artificial.  Still tastes good.  :)  Cherry next and orange.  I must have eaten oranges and reds together.  Another green.  Yum.  Grape, but tastes too sugary to be accurate.  Red and green.  Tastes kind of pomegranate-limey.  Blue.  Can't taste what it is.  The legend says forbidden fruit.  Mysterious.  I think I like green the best.  Also, these taste a bit like a solid version of Kool-Aid.  Oh, there are two shades of red; fruit punch and pomegranate.  Purple and blue is a nice combo.  Grapey and fruity and oh so sweet.  Purple and green are also good together.  In short, very yummy candy.  These are really good for a sugar fix.  I hope I can sleep okay today.

Mike's Hard Lemonade: Mmmm.... Still cool.  Tastes so clean, lemony, fizzy.  Along with yesterday's cider, this drink also reminds me of champagne.  The texture of the bottle feels like a lemon.  I think that's what they had in mind.  This has amazing flavour for something with alcohol.  I tried spiking a Brisk Lemonade with vodka (the same liquor used in what I'm drinking right now).  It's making me drift off a bit.  Yeah, I can only taste the vodka ever so slightly.  And yet I'm clearly getting tipsy.  That was good.


Well, goodnight.  Hope everyone has a great day and hopefully some time to chill out, relax and wind down.  Hopefully it will also be a mind-altering time.  Again, this is your host, Hedonistic Hermit, and I will see you tomorrow!

Next time!  We eat nothing.

Monday, February 24, 2014

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 21

Listening to: Little Miss Higgins; great up-and-coming Canadian blues fusion artist.  Here are some clips if you want to check her out.  She was recently nominated for a Juno:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kx9SatlINoo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEj2hSr_Tqc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qGVZJMtphX8&list=PLyuYIheWKuxlSg0i_sqf77YXYTQRkpEaR

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBRo3C0xB3I

Haha my little brother is improvising a song that I requested: "I want it to be about a girl getting tortured!"  It's actually quite good and atonal.  I suppose atonalism really is torture, isn't it?  Oh my God he just worked Hot Cross Buns into it.  God help me.

Homemade Nachos (Tostitos with Cheddar and Mozarella cheese, topped with dollops of salsa cooked into the chips): Smokey, corny, savoury.  The salsa is spicy, flavourful, juicy.  I can taste a slight amount of JalapeƱo in this, or maybe guacamole.  Cheesy as well.  They're kind of cold, but still really good.  I'm just gobbling these up, like a turkey.  Very delicious.  Still a bit hungry.  I think I'll pop some popcorn (but I'm not reviewing it because I've already done that).



Somersby Apple Flavoured Cider (Imported from Denmark): Bought myself an alcohol treat today, this and Mike's Hard Lemonade.  :)  I could smell the apple flavour even as I opened the can, which emitted a light spray.  Sweet and fruity-tasting.  It tastes a little bit like champagne and it's just as fizzy.  This is lovely and divine; I should buy it all the time.  Very refreshing and pure.  Alcoholic cider is awesome.


Not sure if I'm still high now, but goodnight, all!  Until tomorrow...

Next time we eat Freedom Fries.  

Sunday, February 23, 2014

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 20

Listening to: MGMT

Hello there!  It is I, the great stoned food guru.  Today I bring you some delicious treats that I shall eat in front of you.  

Pecans: Buttery and rich, but they still taste nuttier and healthier than most other things that I would describe as "buttery and rich."  They have such an odd, bumpy texture, almost like they are dead grasshoppers or something.


Pecans and Peanut Butter Chocolate Hearts: Alright, I'll admit it.  I came up with this idea high.  Mmmm... Can't taste the peanut as much as the chocolate, and I'm doing half a chocolate with each pecan.  Weird.  I'll try again.  No, I think the chocolate flavour is stronger than the pecans.  I'll try two pecans with half a chocolate.  Wow, still a bit more powerful.  Okay, for a second I could taste them together and it tasted yummy.  Hard to describe the taste when they are together; kind of like a familiar dessert, maybe chocolate almonds or peanut brittle.  No, I can't place the exact taste, but it's a nice combo.  


Betty Crocker Herb and Garlic Mashed Potatoes: This is herby and rich, so hearty as well.  Really interesting flavours.  There's a bit of a punch to the flavour.  It's so smooth in texture, just slowly sliding down my throat.  That was delicious.  Licking the spoon.  Glad I have a second pack of potato flakes in the box for another time.  :)  

That was a lovely noon-hour snack.  Have a great afternoon, day walkers and I will see you again, tomorrow morning or afternoon, hopefully with some homemade sour bread and some yogurt dotted with chocolate.  

Next time!  We eat a pus-  A pu-  ...a cat.  Yes, a cat.  There is no synonym for that word other than feline, so that is what I shall be eating.  A cat and/or feline.

Saturday, February 22, 2014

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 19

Listening to: Die Mannequin, Radiohead, Silversun Pickups, Gorillaz, Infected Mushroom

Hello fellow ants in this big mean universe.  I am your host, Hedonistic von Hermit, here to bring you my feelings towards foods while I am high.  I have quite a morning feast here; tomato-rice soup, pumpernickel rye bread and Strawberry Shortcake yogurt.  Everything looks lovely.  

Oh, interesting tidbit.  Today was one of my first days going into work hungover (on three hours of sleep) and, wow, it sucks.  The only thing I like about it is that it's almost like a drunkness, where annoying people and long stretches of time don't bother you as much and any pain (feet, stomach, head) is numbed a little bit.  I usually have one drink with my 420 and then go to bed, but last morning I had, at least 4 drinks, mostly vodka and, wow, last night was not at all amusing, so I really don't feel like any alcohol tonight.   

Campbell's Tomato Rice Soup: Sweet, I can definitely taste the rice.  It's still fairly warm, but it would have been nice hotter.  I'm too lazy to re-microwave it.  A bit artificial-tasting.  I hate that taste; I get that for Selection Kraft Dinner, as well.  Paranoid that this is going to spill on me.  Large green leaves in here; I wonder whether they are basil, cilantro, spinach?  I could probably read the ingredients list on the can which is sitting in my recycle bin, but, again, LAZY.  And, ew, I'm not going to shuffle through the recycles right before bed.  It's staying warm, thankfully.  Annnnddd... it's cold.  Pretty darned good soup, all in all.  


Pumpernickel Rye:


This is lovely bread, I must say.  Mmmm...  It's almost like gingerbread.  A bit bitter.  Also a bit stale, but I never end up shopping in the late morning or afternoon when the bread is fresh.  It's sad.  Very doughy and chewy.  Lovely flavour.  I don't understand what people hate about Pumpernickel.  It's a beautiful bread.  It feels like a nice comforter on the roof of my mouth.  Nom nom nom.  This tastes a bit like sourdough.  Oooh!  I should MAKE that and review it soon!  Mmmmm... Sourdough.  Focus, back to the pumpernickel.  Nom nom nom.  I love bread.

Now for dessert...

Strawberry Shortcake Yogurt (by Astro, I believe): It looks so nice it its classy ramekin.  Usually I just put it in a glass bowl, but I'm trying to make my photos look kind of pretty these days.  Mmmmm....  Well, this is melting in my mouth.  Okay, not literally, but, you know what I mean.  This is almost like candy.  Cotton candy or something.  It's delicious.  This would be so good with some little chocolates, like Smarties, chocolate chips, Rolos, etc.  Nom nom.  I'd better try that next time as well.  


Next time! We eat Meat Loaf!  The food, not the artist!  Wouldn't want to be cliched or predictable.  

Next next time!  Sourdough bread (from scratch) and this yogurt with some kind of chocolate in it.

Friday, February 21, 2014

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 18

Listening to: Jefferson Airplane, Queens of the Stone Age

Stouffer's Bistro Crustini, Italian Five Cheese: Yummy and hearty.  Kind of stiff, but definitely warm.  Tastes a little bit burnt.  The cheese is full of herbs and flavour.  Tastes like pizza, or pasta.  It's disappearing before my eyes.  The bread/battery is herby as well.  Very tasty, like a savoury pastry.


Cashews: Sweet and nutty.  I love the shape.  Hits my teeth in an odd but soothing way.  It also has kind of a clean, innocent taste to it.  Sorry I can't think of more to say.  It's just hard to describe the taste.  They are delicious, though.


Next time!  We eat a Monet.

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 17

Listening to: Red Hot Chili Peppers, Beck, Enya, Muse, Lorde

Hello.  Finally getting to bed at a reasonable hour; 10 am.  To day folks: 10 pm.  Going to have a lovely meal now.

Chow Mein Yaki Soba ramen: Messy and addictive sober.... what will happen high???  Mmmm... gingery.  Still a bit warm.  I have no book or show or movie today.  Just eating, it's that good.  Ok, music, but I always have music.  So lovely.  This ramen is amazing.  It's the kind of ramen that you want to eat three of in one sitting.  Never done that, but it is on my life's to do list, I think...  I'm eating this too fast because it's too delicious.  I think these noodles have nicotine in them.  Mmmm... So good. The noodles are cold now, but I don't care.  They taste just as good.  Clinging to these last few bites...  That was delish.


Palmer Valentines Peanut Butter Chocolate Hearts: Earlier, I reviewed their caramel counterparts, so, obviously the Peanut Butter ones must be reviewed as well!  Mmmmm.... this is like true love's first kiss in my mouth.  Tastes a lot like a Reeses; chocolate, salt, peanut butter.  I am definitely salivating. Amazing.  They're so rich and delicious.  Mmmmmmm.......


That's all for today, folks!  Stay tuned for the next episode, okey dokey?

Next time!  We eat snow, so it will go away and never come back, fading into obscurity, wallowing in pitiful misery as springs reigns!  Then I can finally go biking again!  Mwahahahaha!  I really miss it.  So much.  I just can't do this much longer, I need spring so bad.  Please come, spring!  Spring?  Please?  Please!?!?!??!?!?!?

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 16

Listening to: Tool, Rush

It's snack time!  The thing I'm going to eat today is one of my favourite breakfasts and snacks.  It's just the perfect combo of flavours.


Blueberry Bagel with Butter and Strawberry Jam, toasted: The first bite tells you everything you need to know.  So sweet and fruity.  Mmmmm... I can taste the butter, too, influencing the flavour of everything...  Strrraawwwwberrrry...  This like eating a beavertail, so rich and sweet and wonderful and BIG.  For some reason this seems bigger than other food.

Next time we eat a Mockingjay.  :(

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 15

Listening to: Sufjan Stevens, The Neighbourhood and Disturbed.  I'm eclectic...

Hello there.  Today is unintentionally pirate-themed as I am going to be eating an apple and drinking some rum.  Actually, I don't know if apples are pirate food, probably quite the opposite because fresh fruit didn't last long for soldiers sailing for months, but, ah, fuck it, it isn't pirate-themed...  I guess it's because I saw Barbarossa eating an apple in Pirates of the Carribean and my mind made this jump to:

Pirate = apple eater

Sorry about that.  I'm not eating that much food, because I just had a large portion of delicious tortellini.  If I feel hungry enough for anything after this, I might have a bit of it.  The little munchies fairy in my mind is telling me to ditch the apple and go for the tortellini.  Eat a little bowl of it!  However, my curious, adventurous mind wants me to tell you what an apple tastes like high.  So, maybe I'll appease both.  And my excesses, wasting-time fairy will love that decision.  Time to eat.

Royal Gala Apple: Initial piney taste.  Now it tastes refreshing and watery.  Yup, definitely tastes like an apple.  Crispy.  Hard to describe, I don't think I can taste it as well.  This is probably the healthiest thing I've eaten so far, and honestly, it's a bit confusing to eat.



Captain Morgan's Dark Rum (just a shot!  I'm not going crazy with the alcohol, since I had a vodka shot earlier): When I tried this sober, I remember it tasting way better than most rums I've had.  More flavourful and tasting of caramel.  Let's try it again now.  I get the kick almost right away, as is the case with most hard liquors.  It warms my throat like an oral fireplace.  I don't think I like it as much now.  It's got that subtle taste of hand sanitizer.  Mmm...  I can taste the caramel, too.  My head is buzzing.  Good god, it smells much better than it tastes, even when I'm only getting a second-long sniff.    I take a longer sip and my whole body loosens a bit; it smells gorgeous, so fragrant.  This smell could be made into a perfume.  Oh God, it's like Cardamom.  Each sniff makes me slightly faint.  Smelly slightly of vanilla.  My eyes are twitching like crazy.  That was one of my better experiences with hard liquor.

Will I do it?  Aw, heck.  Who could turn down something as delicious as this:



Baked Tortellini with Tomato Sauce: So delicious.  Initially tastes like tomato and dough.  Mmmmm...  Sweet and doughy.  Cheesy.  I sure love adjectives.  Warm.  Sometimes it is firm and chewy; I love that texture.  It's also soft sometimes. Mmmmm... the cheese is sweet, or maybe it's the basil that was sprinkled on top.  Or both.  Very hot at times.  I almost burned my tongue, but it's oh so good.  I really don't like the green ones at much.  They taste too vegetably.  I know, I'm such a picky person.  Eating all the green ones first so I get them over with.  The leftovers are less firm and chewy.  I love it when I can taste the basil.  That was lovely.  It was hearty, like a good soup, which is what that bowl is usually used for.

Next time!  We eat century-old pot brownies.